We all Need a Mirror
Have you ever walked out of the house without much thought as to what you were wearing, or how your hair looked, and then caught a glimpse of yourself in a reflection once you were out in public? I certainly have. Particularly when my kids were young I only realized too late that there were food stains on my shirt, or that my standard high bun was a frizzy mess. I needed to see myself from the outside to notice these things. If you’re wondering how on earth my personal grooming is relevant to yoga or yoga therapy, I’ll get there in a moment.
To be quite honest, the month of June was really hard for me. It was rough. Between the horrifying gun violence across the country and the violence perpetrated on women’s bodily autonomy at the hands of the Supreme Court, I was thrown very far off my center. In previous blogs I’ve talked about how our system lets us know when we are out of balance. I felt all of these things. I was a mess. I couldn't focus, my attention was scattered in all directions because (in western terms) I was in a state of hypervigilance; it felt like a real threat to my safety, and to the safety of those I love. I spun forward worrying that the members of the LGBT+ community in my life would also be threatened at the national level, even as many states had already begun chipping away at their rights already. When I sat back and observed how I was feeling it became clear that I needed to schedule some time with my mentor. As a mentor, he not only supports my continued study and professional learning, but he also serves a role much like a yoga therapist, providing me with my daily yoga practice.
When I sat down with my mentor via zoom, I told him how off kilter I was. He looked at me calmly, and knowing me well from our relationship over time, reflected back to me that I was feeling a lack of control because of current events, and this feeling stemmed from past wounds I hold from the chaotic, traumatic, and also the overly structured experiences of my youth. As soon as he said it, it became as obvious to me as seeing my face in the mirror and finding a big smudge of dirt. You know the saying “knowing is half the battle”? Once I had insight into the deeper reasons causing me to react so strongly, I was better equipped to do something about it. My starting place was tweaking a few things about my daily yoga practice that would help me be more focused on the mat; surprise, surprise, it helped. Since this realization, and change in my practice I have been much more centered, and therefore much better equipped to deal with emotional impact of being a citizen of this country right now.
As a yoga therapist, I know this all, and I serve the role as a mirror for my clients. But, just because I can reflect back for others doesn't mean I can necessarily do it for myself. In other words, I need help and support just like you. One of the gifts of regular yoga practice is a deeper insight into our own patterns of behavior, but like that smudge of dirt, sometimes there are things we just can't see on our own.